Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I love you.
Bad choice
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
