I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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