Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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