When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
