i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
