Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
