And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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