this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
