I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
