My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
