I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Even my vagina gasped.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
and you fell through a lawn chair
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
