Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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