I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
