smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
