Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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