I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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