Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
