he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
