All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
