I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
