There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You smell like stripper and shame
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
