it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize