mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
