the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
