I want to make a zoo with you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
