I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
