Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
