Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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