Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
