well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
wow bdsm is so cute
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