So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
