Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
