i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
