apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize