A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
