If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
