His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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