And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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