Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
