rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
