i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
