we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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