Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
