eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
