btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
