did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
