He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize