I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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