This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
