I think I am morally bankrupt
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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