This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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