You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
