Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize