Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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