i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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