You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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