I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
