At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My vagina just recognized that song.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
