so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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