I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
