dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
