worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
