If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
