It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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