My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You need Xanax blowdarts
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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