Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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