the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
