There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
